When it all goes wrong…

And every expectation that you’ve had about the way things “were” and the way they “were going to be…”  Wow.  That’s my life this week.  Without getting in to “it” too much, I’ll just mention that some things I thought about some things in my life were Way. Off. Base.

Real life isn’t Ward and June Cleaver having a sensible conversation with the “Beav” and Wally and that the magic light goes on they see the err of their ways, turn a new leaf and all goes back to 1950s bliss.  No the world just doesn’t roll like that today, November 18, 2014.

The world today looks more and more like every man for themselves — respect, for your parents, spouse, friends, coworkers…people you don’t know but just encounter on the street — well it seems to me that it’s disappearing one unthoughtful moment at a time.  And the truth of all of this is that WE’VE. ALL. DONE. IT.

The problem is… when it happens to us and we’re feeling disrespected, under valued, ignored it doesn’t feel good.  So then why do we do it?  And beyond acknowledging that we’ve all participated in these behaviors whether intentional or not we’ve treated people in a way that we find unacceptable for ourselves. So I guess the bigger issue is how do you fix it? Can “it” be fixed.  It reminds me of the crumbled up paper or broken plate project that people relate to bullying.  You can’t tell the paper or the plate that “you’re sorry” and these things morph back to the original undamaged condition.  It just won’t work.

I’d suggest start with taking a good long walk around the “perspective box,” it’s a tool we use at Colorado Youth at Risk — and simply put, it’s walking around the situation and finding yourself more aware of the other sides of the box — moving away from the side you look at, because there is also a top and bottom to the box, and three other sides to be considered — and they all have a perspective and they all matter.

I suggest that while I don’t have to agree with your perspective — it is not my place to rip it to shreds either.  I can disagree without being disagreeable.  We should try that.

And — here’s the other truth, it will never be perfect.  I’ll fall short, the people in my life will fall short. We’ll ALWAYS do this, it’s part of the human condition — but we should always, always, get back up, dust ourselves off and try it again.  It takes 10,000 hours to become an “expert” at something, at least so I’ve been told… How many hours have we committed to being kind respectful people???


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