Breaking Up… Is Hard to Do.

On Friday, last week, I made the decision to break up with Facebook.  My reasoning is sound.  Social media has moved away from being “social” and has become breeding ground for dialog that is frankly, divisive, mean, anti-social and really creates space where being “right” is more important than being KIND.

But who knew… That breaking up…is hard to do? You see, I went to the Aurora Central Varsity Women’s Basketball game on Friday evening and I so wanted to “check-in” and “tag” the friends on my list that I was hanging out with.  But, breaking up is breaking up and no matter how “hard” it is, it’s called a break-up for a reason. (see paragraph I)Facebook pic

I made it through the weekend, my husband, I think was a little shocked that I had.  I was a little shocked that I had if I am telling the truth.  But I did it. 

Today… I realize not only do I use Facebook for the “social” aspects, but in my career in marketing, I also use the social media giant to connect with people I do business with.

What to do? What to do?

I have choices. 

I can reactivate my account, having lasted 72 hours.  I can login to the business account and connect with people I do business with there, though I am afraid it will cause the same net result.  I can Instagram, which I understand to be much less volatile…

I honestly believe staying away from FB is my best bet, more often than not, I see posts and commentary which more than anything leaves me with some sort of frustration or agitation and isn’t good for me.  It just isn’t.  Stay tuned….

Click Here To Learn How To Quit Facebook

 

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We Broke Up…

Today, I had a long over-due break-up.  The reason we broke up is really quite simple.  You see, the concept of “social media” has become anything but “social.”  We’ve suffered yet another school shooting, and in the face of this, there are ensuing arguments about gun control, AR15s, mental health, immigration, MS13, the liberal left and the wacko right.  Facebook, we can’t be together anymore. And, I’m not sorry either.

Enough. 

Selfie-Syndrome-negative-effect-social-mediaJust enough.  It is a shame that what should be a way to engage one and other in meaningful connected ways has become a hot spot for every flavor of negativity ever fathomed.  What happened to sharing what you had for dinner last night?

Social Media Damage

No More.

And it’s really a shame, because I love being connected to friends and family I may otherwise miss, and don’t forget the baby sloths.

But Maybe…

It’s for the best. Maybe social media is a part of the problem anyhow?  We’re spending time glued to a device, glued to a place that isn’t real and maybe that’s causing the insanity just as much as anything else.  And I think I am on to something and I think, just maybe… this time, I’m right.  So instead of spending my time on Facebook or tweeting (and God knows I can’t say anything in 140 characters anyway) or Pintresting… or anything else, I’ll get my “social media” on the good old fashioned way and connect with my friends and familyQuit Facebook 2 in more traditional methods, I’ll send thoughtful notes and note cards, I’ll send text messages and make phone calls.  I will work on the real connection.

The Human Connection.

Connection that matters and will have my friends and family knowing without a doubt they’re loved, thought of, and cared for.

Maybe…

I’ll find my way back to Facebook at some point, sometime.  Maybe, I won’t.  I simply know the perpetuating divisiveness of the social media platform no longer works for me. #nomore #banFacebook #beKindnotRight

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Waste.

laziness-workSo I’ve started this year with a commitment to get real about my time.  And here is some sobering truth.  I can waste it.  And I do.   I love to start my morning with a quick Facebook check, see what exciting new memes are out there.  I love to take a few minutes to look at my thriving 401k.  I love to kill a few minutes petting Tod, my furry little puppy friend.  So the truth of the matter is that I am a champ at what might be considered frivolous wastes of my most valuable resource.  Of course, I can also argue the other side,  checking in with Facebook keeps me aware of important events in the circles of my friends.  Get well soon Phyllis.  Or… that it’s safe to unload the losing items in my portfolio because I’ve made gains sufficient to cover the loss. Or… when I am petting and snuggling Tod, I legitimately feel more relaxed my blood pressure decrease and my sense of wellness increase.

But don’t YOU dare…

Waste MY Time  Isn’t it funny?  Think about it, think about how you spend your time…and typically, I’d suggest we’re pretty gentle with ourselves and how we spend time and our critique of how we’re using this resource.  I don’t know too many that regularly berate themselves over a frivolous time expenditure.  But I know tons of people, and I am totally in the group that can go from zero to crazy when I feel someone is wasting my time.

Consider this.  How much time do I waste that doesn’t belong to me? Unnecessary interruptions to a co-worker (Sorry Jeri!!) Catching my husband when he just doesn’t have the time to give? Not giving clear directions to committee members or other people in my life.  Missing an appointment.  The list goes on. So much so that I recently found a website dedicated to the time that we waste:

I Waste So Much Time

Enjoy… and remember the time you waste may be your own.

 

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It’s About…

Time. 

That’s my OLW — One Little Word for this year.  TIME.  How much of it do we have? How much do we need? What do we do with it? What do we want to do with it? How much do we waste?  time-management

So let’s start with the math of time.  It’s finite.

365.25 days in one year times 24 hours in a day is 8766 hours in one year.

60 minutes in an hour, times 8766 hours…so we have 525,960 minutes in a year.

60 seconds in one minute… times 525,960 minutes in a year , we have 31,557,600 seconds in a year.   It seems like so much, maybe too much. And it seems infinite.

Almost.

So this year is about my relationship with time.  I’ll be the first to admit time is perhaps my single resource I mismanage the most.  I don’t always spend my time in ways that are most productive to my family, to my health, to my friends, to my co-workers or to my career and volunteer endeavors.

I’m going in to this year, with grace from last year, commitment from the year before and will be gentle with myself and intentional about what I choose to do with my time.

It’s about time… and about my math, there are really 365.25 days in a year, that allows us one “extra” day every four years…

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It’s Okay To Rock A Bad Mood…

I haven’t checked in for a while… mainly because I’ve been pretty busy.  Work busy, volunteer busy, life busy.  I am convinced it’s been taking its toll on me.  More and more I’ve been finding myself in a bad mood. Like really bad.  The kind of bad where bad can happen and while I am aware it’s not good to always be rockin this type of mood, I had to stop and wonder if… It’s Okay To Rock A Bad Mood?

It’s this thing and I’ve been feeling stuck, on the island of Liz, where no one can quite get their head around what it’s like to live a day in the life.  The biggest driver I suspect is feeling unsupported. Like physically supported.  Now — before you jump off of the deep end, and some would, nothing is on fire, and nothing is at critical mass in this moment.  But often I can’t help but to wonder what it might feel like to have someone say, “Let me take that burden from you.”  now mind you, I don’t know if anyone I know speaks in just that tone, but I find myself daydreaming they would.*

Back to the bad mood thing… 

Being in the place where I don’t know if I can do one more thing in this moment — I took a pause and let Google help me out.  And… it turns out, there are benefits to being in a bad mood.  So let me share while I consider the exit options from this mood place.

My thanks to Joseph Paul Forgas and TheConversation.com

What is the point of sadness?

Psychologists who study how our feelings and behaviours have evolved over time maintain all our affective states (such as moods and emotions) have a useful role: they alert us to states of the world we need to respond to.

In fact, the range of human emotions includes many more negative than positive feelings. Negative emotions such as fear, anger, shame or disgust are helpful because they help us recognise, avoid and overcome threatening or dangerous situations.

But what is the point of sadness, perhaps the most common negative emotion, and one most practising psychologists deal with?

Intense and enduring sadness, such as depression, is obviously a serious and debilitating disorder. However, mild, temporary bad moods may serve an important and useful adaptive purpose, by helping us to cope with everyday challenges and difficult situations.

These moods also act as a social signal that communicates disengagement and withdrawal from competition and provides a protective cover. When we appear sad or in a bad mood, people often are concerned and are inclined to help.

 

When we’re sad, other people show concern and want to help. Joshua Clay/Unsplash 

Some negative moods, such as melancholia and nostalgia (a longing for the past), may even be pleasant and seem to provide useful information to guide future plans and motivation.

Sadness can also enhance empathy, compassion, connectedness and moral and aesthetic sensibility. And sadness has long been a trigger for artistic creativity.

Recent scientific experiments document the benefits of mild bad moods. These often work as automatic, unconscious alarm signals, promoting a more attentive and detailed thinking style. In other words, bad moods help us to be more attentive and focused in difficult situations.

In contrast, a positive mood (like feeling happy) typically serves as a signal indicating familiar and safe situations and results in a less detailed and attentive processing style.

Psychological benefits of sadness

There is now growing evidence that negative moods, like sadness, have psychological benefits.

Feeling sad or in a bad mood produces a number of benefits:

  • better memory: in one study, a bad mood (caused by bad weather) resulted in people better remembering the details of a shop they just left. Bad mood can also improve eyewitness memories by reducing the effects of various distractions, such as irrelevant, false or misleading information.
  • more accurate judgements: a mild bad mood also reduces some biases and distortions in how people form impressions. For instance, slightly sad judges formed more accurate and reliable impressions about others because they processed details more effectively. We found that bad moods also reduced gullibility and increased scepticism when evaluating urban myths and rumours, and even improved people’s ability to detect deception more accurately. People in a mild bad mood are also less likely to rely on simplistic stereotypes.
  • motivation: other experiments found that when happy and sad participants were asked to perform a difficult mental task, those in a bad mood tried harder and persevered more. They spent more time on the task, attempted more questions and produced more correct answers.
  • better communication: the more attentive and detailed thinking style promoted by a bad mood can also improve communication. We found people in a sad mood used more effective persuasive arguments to convince others, were better at understanding ambiguous sentences and communicated better when talking.
  • increased fairness: other experiments found that a mild bad mood caused people to pay greater attention to social expectations and norms, and they treated others less selfishly and more fairly

Now then… don’t we all feel better?

The truth. No.  I don’t.  But I am in a place where I can let the bad mood be, take advantage of how it impacts my world and allows me to be a better communicator, decision maker, persevere “er” and owner of my feelings.

And in the end, somehow, it all ties back to grace and allowing myself the space to be okay with being in a bad mood, feeling stranded on the isle of Liz (even though it’s likely not truth). And… to the “*”, it just so happens that someone DOES speak to me that way.  God does…  thanks Amazingfacts.org

1. “Cast your burden on the Lord, and He shall sustain you; He shall never permit the righteous to be moved” (Psalm 55:22). God is glad to carry MY burdens and give me the daily strength I need.

2. “Is this not the fast that I have chosen: To loose the bonds of wickedness, to undo the heavy burdens, to let the oppressed go free, and that you break every yoke?” (Isaiah 58:6). It’s not God’s will that I should be crushed down with excessive burdens; let Him free ME today.

3. “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light” (Matthew 11:28–30). Jesus will remove MY heavy burden of guilt and hopelessness and give ME true rest in Him.

4. “For I, the Lord your God, will hold your right hand, saying to you, ‘Fear not, I will help you’” (Isaiah 41:13). God promises to support and help ME through every trial.

5. “Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you” (1 Peter 5:67). Just knowing MY heavenly Father cares about ME personally can make any load seem lighter.

6. “Even to your old age, I am He, and even to gray hairs I will carry you! I have made, and I will bear; even I will carry, and will deliver you” (Isaiah 46:4). The Lord desires to constantly support ME throughout MY life, with the intention of saving ME eternally.

7. “He will feed His flock like a shepherd; He will gather the lambs with His arm, and carry them in His bosom” (Isaiah 40:11). The Good Shepherd will gladly bear ME in His gentle arms right now.

8. “The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears, and delivers them out of all their troubles” (Psalm 34:17). If I belong to Him, God will always listen when I call to Him for help.

9. “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand” (Isaiah 41:10). Through faith His strength becomes MINE, and He reaches out to keep ME from falling.

10. “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2). When God has lightened MY burdens, He asks ME to do the same for YOU.

And just like that… the load is lighter.

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Love notes…from HIM.

I get daily love notes…from HIM.

It’s not Eric, and nor are they from Daniel.  Heck, they’re not from my Dad either.  And yet somehow, they tend to be just what I need to hear, right when I need to hear it.

I signed up with TUT to receive my daily notes from the Universe — I look at the “Universe” as notes from HIM.  Maybe there are others who have a difficult time accepting all that they are — is through divine creation and there is a maker and we are cast in HIS image.  Yet, they believe in something, and maybe that is by HIS design too.

Anyway… I just wanted to share today’s love note as it could not be more timely and apropos (my favorite word EVER), with thanks to Mrs. Chopyak and 11th grade Honors English.  And because this is the love note for today — I know HE is the Great I AM.

You’re simply the best, Liz . You blow my mind. We’re all in total awe. How you hold together under pressure. How you face up to your challenges. And your rebound ability totally rocks. You’re driven, persistent, and strong. Playful, silly, fun. Compassionate, sympathetic, understanding. You’re just plain unstoppable. And you always have time for others. What a package. Soooo…

How ’bout cutting yourself some slack every now and then?

Tallyho,
GOD.  (The Universe)

Enjoy today…

Love notes…from Him

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To My Gal Pal…

A note to my gal pal… Thank you.

To my gal pal who had lunch with me today, thank you.  To the one that sent me that great text message yesterday, making me feel so on point with my job — thank you.

To the one who had lunch with me yesterday… and listened and related to ME thank you.

To the gal pal who told me to go to the doctor (for weeks now…) to get treatment for my sinus infection, thank you.

To the gal pal that called to see if wanted coffee this morning… thank you.  Of course, I did, but the pain in my ears was just too much!

To the gal pal that sent me an email earlier this week, to honor a commitment and to touch base… thank you, and while I am at it, I’m sorry, I think, no, I know, I was rough and bitchy.

To the gal pals working with me on the Legends Dinner, thank you, just knowing you’re on the team makes one more step easier to take!

To the gal pal… that I still consider my very best friend, more than thirty years later, and though we’re not as connected as we were as teenage girls (and I wish we were), thank you and can we have dinner soon???  I miss your friendship, perhaps the most.

To the gal pal I mentor.  Thank you for letting me be a part of YOUR life, it is truly a beautiful gift to be able to be with you, to watch you become the sort of woman anyone would love to have in her corner.gal-pals-3

Truth.

I have these gal pals, and literally there are hundreds of YOU, thank you all, you all have space in my heart and have done so much to help me to be the kind of person that deserves your friendship.  You see at lunch today, I really realized, how often we have spilled milk situations in our lives, the ones that no matter how much you wish you could put it back together, you just can’t. But… what I CAN do, is to remember to lean on you, my gal pals… to pull me through.

And to my gal pal… the one that said, “Liz be gentle with yourself…” thank you, those words have carried me often over the past few weeks.

 

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