I’m not a doctor… and I don’t play one on tv, though these past few weeks you wouldn’t know it.  I’ve had some abnormal test results in my physical that have more or less sent me over the edge.  The places where rational thought and emotional crazy weave in and out of each other like a very intricate dance.  I’ve had ultrasound, I’ve had blood work, and a biopsy now too.  The only thing left is an MRI.  And I’ve been worked up more than I care to admit.  But… it’s scary.  If anyone has ever said the “C” word to you, you know.

So… in the midst of the tests and the worry I’ve spent more time than I should with good old WebMD.  Reading about everything that could even remotely be my “diagnosis.”  Mind you, I’m still not a doctor and still not on the cast of Grey’s Anatomy.  The crazy thing is… and I’m guessing people relate. It’s almost impossible to resist.  Really.  The access to “on demand” information serves many great purposes.  Booking a trip, applying for work, checking your bank balance.  But… then there are times where this just doesn’t work.  Like now.  Like self diagnosing what ails me.  Now, don’t get me wrong.  I don’t think it’s all bad. I’ve actually found some comfort this morning in learning more about the things that the human body can do and go through.  It provides more insight, and for that I feel better.

I’m still anxious, not gonna lie.  But I am less anxious this morning than I have been in a good week.  There is a reason for why I am where I am.  Ultimately, the money that will be spent on processes and procedures will provide an answer for whatever it is.  That’s okay too.  Even if it’s nothing.  I’ve thought about that and just been aghast at the money.  But… for the good or the bad it will provide answer. I think now, I’ll go catch up on Grey’s…