To the Mean Girl that Lives with Me…
Go. Just go. Maybe you think you “inspire” in some, on the “DL” (down low) way. But here’s the truth. You do damage. It’s not like punching me in the face damage that leaves a bruise, or when I fall or bump in to something. I think the damage you do, honestly, is worse than someone just punching me in the face.
I am going to tell you honestly about the damage you do. I went to workout today. Punching, squatting, stretching, mobility the full spectrum working on honoring a commitment to myself to get back to the place where running three miles is possible if not easy. And you know what self?? When I started my workout it literally pained me to look in the mirror. The mean girl on the other side was waiting… almost like a predatory animal to ask me what in the hell I thought I was doing? I had to have my workout partner stand in front of me to block her reflection — because you’ve made it so that even our reflection starts a dialog of negative self talk and endless put down. Seriously. How did I let it get that bad? Go that far. So stop. Just stop.
Mid to near endish of workout time it was time to do some bar bell squats. And there you were mean girl, standing right in front of me again. And… you started. Again. And this time — there was nowhere to run and hide. If I look up, I lose my balance, if I look to my left, I lose my balance. So I was stuck. Just stuck. I had to look at you square in the eye. If nothing else, to prevent myself from falling forward and losing teeth. (not a look I’d like). In that moment mean girl, the one where Kyle asked if I could do two more squats, I looked you in the eye and won. At least this battle today, in this war. I am guessing it will be a long road ahead of us, and you’ll continue to be there waiting to pounce at the slightest display of weakness and self-doubt.
To the Mean Girl that Lives with Me… you’re not welcome here. Frankly, I imagine there are mean girls just like you EVERYWHERE. Guess what? You’re not wanted nor are you needed in ANY place that you lurk. So go. We don’t need you.