So… My sister Jennifer, among others has said, “you do you.” In the aftermath and aftershocks of Chet.
I believe it’s worth a try…
What happens when you don’t know how to “do you.” There’s a ton to unpack here. So I am going to give it my level best.
I don’t know what doing me is… let me tell you why.
I am number 4 in a family of six children. I have three older brothers and two younger sisters. My parents divorced when I was in second grade give or take. Initially, and for most of the time, my oldest brother lived with us, or not… the two younger brothers (before me in pecking order) lived with my dad and my two younger sisters lived with me. When I say me… I mean my mother.
I believe my brother Vito (the oldest) and I were forced in to the caretaker role for the good or the bad. Vito more so when we were younger, but even from an early age, it was projected on me that I was “older” than my years and so “taking care of… fill-in the blank” seemed to just be expected. For as long as I can remember, I’ve taken care of things, of people, of to dos, of the cat, the dog, friends… you name it. I’ve been wired this way for 38 give or take years. If something needs to be done, Liz will do it.
Of doing things for everyone, sometimes me, but me is secondary. I believe this has been a factor creating the mess I find myself in today.
You do you…
I get the big do me things…
Buy a house. check.
Finally get my name changed. check.
See the bariatric surgeon. check.
But what does the smaller me doing me look like?
I’ve been getting a massage every other week. I’ll put that in the me doing me column. I’ve been better at going to the gym with my gal pal Amy… that goes in me doing me. Getting my nails done, me doing me. But much beyond that feels truly uncomfortable. It shows up everywhere really. I am happiest when I am doing something for someone else. And that… is really kind of the reason I think I am where I am now.
She’s one of my gal pals and I find myself so jealous, envious, wishing I was a bit more like her. She’s really similar to me in life path and trajectory right now. Which makes me grateful for her in my circle and makes me grateful for an example of how to “do you.” She’s amazing at finding meet ups and marching to her drum, doing her, trying out new and different and doing so unapologetically. I will spend more time watching her and with her and hoping she’ll be a great coach in this space. She makes it all look EASY.
I believe I’ll keep watching.
Bringing selfish back.
There’s also the notion of “doing me” is really being selfish. Especially when you know there are things you can be doing for others. Karine… my rockstar therapist and I talked about bringing selfish back. Taking the stigma out of doing for yourself… first. Even typing it out in this blog… I feel like I am breaking some unspoken rule of humanity. Be kind to your fellow man. I am going to start journaling about me doing me and looking for the ways I can do it small… exercise the muscle so being selfish becomes second nature.
I hope you find ways to do you… and to do it selfishly, unapologetically, and consistently,
“Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.” — Eleanor Roosevelt