Then what?

Sometimes… there are more questions than answers.

And when that happens…

Then what?

Why is it that when I am quarantined and staying home I don’t want to… though this weekend prying myself from the house seemed like an all out chore?

Why do I want chocolate ice cream when there’s only vanilla.

Why is it some of us love Coca Cola and others adore Pepsi.

And why is it… that we only want what we want when we fucked around and fucked it up? When we could have openly have had it? But chose differently.

I tend to think of this as a pretty female phenomena but wonder if the same is true with men.

I don’t want you… until someone else wants and has you. Then… I’ll fight to the end, with all I’ve got to get what I had, tossed aside, didn’t contribute to, and otherwise was just a fucked kind of person to back. Now bearing in mind in any of the circumstances where this happens there is of course another side of the story. But it happens with such frequency but I can’t help but to wonder. Just how many of us do this?

Then what??

I’m trying to reflect on my relationships and wonder if I’ve been that person? I don’t want you… until someone else does too… Honestly, I think that answer is no. I can’t honestly recall a time where I was only inspired to act on a relationship because I had it and tossed it aside, and someone else saw the beauty in what I had relegated for trash… I honestly don’t see where I’ve done that, and I am grateful for that.

Because who wants to be that girl?

Knowing… there are a lot of “those girls” out there.

So to those girls… a suggestion. A little coaching if you will…

The grass may or may not be greener on the other side, I don’t know, it’s an answer that only you find when you choose to travel to the other side of the fence to find out. But when you do cross and you find that it’s not… be a bigger woman. Admit you fucked up, you didn’t treat the relationship with respect, you too were culpable in what happened and own your shit. Then… be the kind of woman you know in your gut you should be and grow up, pull up your big girl panties and move the fuck on. It’s uncomfortable to be sure, but I will tell you it saves you looking like a petty little bitch no one has time for.

No One.

This is directed in a few directions to be sure… one maybe more so than others. But I am unable to just let things happen, that happen and shouldn’t that as a woman I find this kind of girl, the one who wants her toys back after leaving them kicked aside… well I kinda wanna vomit in my mouth a little bit, and maybe I just did.

Be the kind of woman your next relationship deserves.

“I’m not a one in a million kind of girl. I’m a once in a lifetime kind of woman.”