Is it avoidable?
It’s kind of like catching Covid, chickenpox, or a cold… So contagious and you’re not really ever sure where you caught it from.
I recently caught a case of both Covid-19 and feelings. I’m not sure which one I caught first but I caught them both.
Let’s start with Covid. Easier to dissect where I got it from. A trade show. Three weeks ago. ish. Shaking hands and kissing babies and shaking hands. And kissing more babies.
The feelings… let’s talk about that. I’m not sure when I caught them, but I am guessing it was right about the same time.
I went to Simi Valley, CA, over the Memorial Day weekend. Visiting a gentleman I went on a few dates with before I started dating my now ex-husband, which makes me wonder if I chose wrong or, maybe not, or maybe needed to go through all of the places and spaces that brought me here. We started talking again after the break-up. I was so very afraid that I didn’t treat him with the respect he deserved and after having been done dirty and shitty and carelessly with Chet, I didn’t want to ever do that to another human. And…
If there was a chance I had, which in this case I thought I might…. I needed to clean it up.
So I reached out to clean it up.
He’s sweet. Charming. He cooks. He’s kind. He’s all of the things that you look for in a partner.
That I like crushed red pepper on my spaghetti. He listens.
He’s sent me some pretty pretty things, and thoughtful gifts. He calls. He texts.
He doesn’t do PDA well. Honestly, I am hoping he gets better with that. I love dancing in public for now reason. I love kisses, hugs, hand holds and bootie grabs.
He’s not sure about us. Not in the way that lightning strikes kind of way. Maybe in the same way I’m not sure, but different. He caught a case of feelings with someone. Fell fast, fell hard, and has some skinned knees and a bruised heart to show for it.
He has some flags… are they red? They might be. He has some similarities to a previous relationship that scare the literal fuck out of me. See my don’t be that girl post.
But I take him at his word… for now.
He went through the struggle to spend some time with me this week and it wasn’t easy for him to do. And it was amazing…. and so somewhere between Memorial Day and this week, I’ve managed to catch some feelings for this man. And…
Trust is a bitch.
It usually only takes one person to fuck it up for the next six people.
I don’t know what to do with this case of feelings I’ve caught.
I caught them pretty fast and I caught them pretty hard. And that never surprises me. Because that’s just how it happens. It happened with Chet that way.
And… I’ve caught them at a different pace than he’s caught them. That’s scary. Because it’s vulnerable and scary, and did I mention scary and long distance. Let’s not forget to throw that in to the mix.
Honestly right? You might be wondering if I am just that oblivious or naive? It might be a bit of both with an extra shake of the naive. And… spell check is calling me out on my spelling of naive.
But I’ve caught them and now I have them and I am seriously not sure what to do with them. And so we’ll see…
I am hoping.
That he’s gonna find his way to where he’s happy, valued, not door-matted and loved. I’m hoping whatever is next on the horizon for me leads me away from heartbreak, toward love, fulfillment, success, peace and drama free days, and drama free nights. I’d love to see where he fits in that.
Never give up on love.
Never be afraid to catch feelings.