Pinch me now…
It’s been almost one month.
Everyday Buckeye feels more like home, more normal, more mine. Believing becomes easier every single day. I think back to what is about eight months ago and thought I couldn’t possible go on. I remember snot filled cries, the inability to eat, function, breathe and it now feels like it’s so far in the rearview mirror that it almost never happened.
When I think back to that time, and the tears cried and the doubt and the fear and the shot to my ego and to my heart and the self-doubt…
They ALL served a purpose.
I found a woman that I relate to. A woman I respect. That woman y’all… is ME.
I’ve moved forward with buying my home, MY HOME. By myself, no safety net needed, because in the midst of the shit storm, I found myself. I found the girl I know, knew, hoped I’d be.
I found a woman that BELIEVES in what is possible, all on her own. I had to fight for it. I had to cry for it. I had to pray about it… and then pray some more. I had to find the will to do what didn’t feel comfortable, and if I am being honest, sometimes didn’t feel right nor natural.
Make. No. Mistake.
This was not done alone. And the obstacles and challenges during this, these last eight months were sometimes more than I ever imagined. Keri and cancer. Fear of closing. Fear of NOT closing. Fear of packing everything. Fear of unpacking everything. Fear of driving across Colorado with Tod Christopher, into New Mexico, and finally HOME.
What a gift to be your mom. It’s not always easy, for either of us, but I want you to know every single day, every one, I am proud of the man you are. The measure of a man is not his monetary success or station in life. His success can only be measured in the kind of man, the kind of human he chooses to be. You are resilient, you keep getting up, when the knock downs are self-imposed, and when they’re not. You consistently show up, and you’re consistently a good man and a better hu-MAN. I am proud of you and I love you. And I always will.
For every neurotic tirade and ugly crying episode, thank you for consistently and constantly showing up in only the way a best friend can, thank you. I owe you endless gratitude.
For being my perfect companion for this move, the tickets seem like not enough to show you my gratitude. I could not have felt safer, felt calmer, or more able to do this without you.
The gift of being your sister is more than I ever deserved. Wildly. I am so grateful your surgery was successful, and Jennifer and I were able to be there for you, when you needed us most. Thank you for that.
Thank you for just being you. For bringing your family to visit me, for the daily calls, for the working it out sessions, for being the sister that tells me truth, tells me lies when necessary, and for being one of those forever friends I’ve always needed.
Dad and Carolyn.
When I think of all of the heavy lifting you did just after the break-up. When I think about the hours you’ve given to me to hear me, to be the parents that were perfect for the time and place. Thank you. Dad… you are an amazing travel companion, and I know where my love of presidential “stuff” comes from… thank you for that, I am surprised that’s hereditary, and then again, I’m not.
My brothers. Vito. John. David.
Thank you so much for just being brothers. Vito, for understanding the nature of being “first” in a sibling set. It brought me more comfort than you’ll realize when we needed to be there for Keri, knowing I have a sibling who understands the amazing responsibility in being “first.”
John… our path is never easy. Ever. But I am grateful for all of the bumps and bruises along the way, because it shows me we can always recover, if we simply choose to. I am thankful and glad we’ve made the choice. Haboobs. Are. Cool.
David. Your faith. I know I can always count on your faith, your prayers and you understand me in just a way that is different from the rest. When I think of the hours we’ve worked together the hours we’ve spent together as professionals and as siblings, I’m so grateful for you. For every prayer you’ve sent up for me, and for everyone I am able to return. Thank you.
We’re in a place right now that is uncomfortable for me. I don’t like it, and often, I don’t know what to do with it or about it. I have every confidence time will fix what needs to be fixed, at least I hope it does. It’s hard, and there are things to unpack that simply aren’t able to in this moment. But. you remain my mother, and for that, I am grateful.
This is my family.
These people and countless more. I am blessed and blessed again to have such an amazing tribe of people, all who show up right on time, EVERYTIME. I am grateful beyond measure for every little touch and experience you’ve added and will add to the experience that is my life. There is never enough I can say or do to express the gratitude I feel. All. Of. The. Time.
But I believe…
I will start with a simple.
I LoVe YoU.