A Lesson In Truth.
So… there it is.
The truth is out there. For you, for me. And it changes everything.
What I said to your dad when I picked up my things last month was true. I told him two things. Where I got bedbugs… and I believed you were back with Gina. Of course I wasn’t so gentle of language, but that’s water under the bridge. But here’s what I learned.
I believe truth is the most important part of ANY relationship. You can’t do anything without honesty. So let’s be honest shall we?
You were never in it. You couldn’t be.
You avoid hard things, adult things, big boy things they way most people avoid the plague. And. You’re a liar. There are just no two ways about that.
So the lessons learned are simple.
I should not have pursued anything with you as long as you were (and are) still married. That’s on me. That’s my decision making. I also learned you don’t, never have, and never will deserve me, or the love I had to offer you.
You see it’s simple.
I deserve a man that can look in the mirror and be proud of who’s looking back at him. The one who can take care of his big boy responsibilities. The one who knows he has integrity the one who doesn’t have to remember what he’s said because he doesn’t have to lie. That’s the man I deserve. And that is the man I am waiting for.
I’ve spent a good deal of time questioning if that’s a thing? Is he a leprechaun the thing you think you’ll find at the end of a spectacular rainbow? Maybe.
But here’s some more truth.
I’d rather wait a lifetime for the unicorn, the leprechaun the one that is sure of who is is and can wear his own skin proudly, without having to lie, back peddle, tell a story to cover another and another and another story. Waiting on that man… won’t leave me with a broken heart, it won’t leave me with feeling lied to or deceived. The one who is ready, willing, and able to match my drive, my effort, my pursuit of kindness and excellence…
So before you leave, and honestly I give no shits on whether or not the door hits you on the way out or not, remember you reap what you sow, and you’ve sown some pretty awful shit, you know it and so do I. We both know now EXACTLY what and who you are. I am sure she knows too… I can only pray she’ll figure it out, or be content in bed at night with a liar. I want to believe you weren’t what you turned out to be. But you’ve shown me, in spades, the man you are, and the man you could never be if you lived a million years.
My dear friend Amy… this is the last one. The last post I will ever share about the last year. Thank you for being a consistent support, the one who listened to all of the tears I cried, the doubts I had, and never once judged me for where I was in the process and the one who never let me believe this had anything to do with me. You’re right. It was never about me.