What loneliness is and where does it come from?

Karine and I just finished my session.

We talked about the happenings of the week and the aftermath of all of those happenings, and I am happy to say I am okay with where the week ended with respect to my behaviors and choices.

We talked about loneliness.

There’s a lot to unpack with loneliness. Because usually, I am pretty good. Monday – Friday 8:30 – 5:00 ish, no sweat. Right? Today was packed with getting shirts ready to deliver to customers. Sales calls. Phone calls. Gym at 3:45 ish. Make dinner. Therapy. Blog… and then hit the tub, get wound down and ready for bed. I’ll sleep well tonight after having a time with it last night.

The same is true for Tuesday through Friday. I handle the week pretty well. Not to say I don’t have moments where I am lonely, or bored… or missing community. These are the things that make my loneliness palatable. I am social, and I love being engaged and being at home alone stifles that.

The weekend.

Weekends are tough. I work very hard to have plans enough to keep me busy enough so the time alone is more bearable. This weekend is all about getting ready for Hawaii. I have a hair appointment on Saturday which is great… right in the middle of the day, sound choice. Sunday, I’ll have church… and then go get my toes done. So I am reasonably sure I will navigate the weekend, this weekend, fairly unscathed. I’m grateful for the trip to Kauai and having things to do to prepare for travel.

So what is lonely…?

I asked Merriam Webster:

lonely

 adjective

lone·​ly |  \ ˈlōn-lē   \

lonelier; loneliest

Definition of lonely

1a: being without company : LONEtoo many lonely nights at home

b: cut off from others : SOLITARYthe train stopped frequently at lonely little stations— Robert Hichens

2: not frequented by human beings : DESOLATEa lonely spot in the woods

3: sad from being alone : LONESOMEHe was feeling lonely without his wife and children.

4: producing a feeling of bleakness or desolationit’s a lonely thing to be a champion— G. B. Shaw

It’s all of these things and more.

It’s the loss of a relationship, the need for companionship, the need for community, the need for a having a “place” to be or fit in. It’s being bored, it’s having your furry friend, but that’s the only company in the house. And it’s real. And it’s hard to navigate. And if you are lonely, I want you to know I am here, and I am lonely too, and I would love to be your partner in navigating our loneliness.

I am working on loneliness.

And, I am taking one small victory lap today. Because people don’t always talk about the hard things. And today, I am choosing to talk about my hard thing. Loneliness. I believe it will get easier as long as I am honest with it. I believe it’s like working out a muscle. I am NEVER going to be a fan of a solitary life, I’m not wired that way, in fact, quite the opposite. I am made for relationships, friendships, platonic, and romantic. I will work on appreciating my friends, and my network, and reaching out to those to help me navigate this time of loneliness.