A tale of time.

The past two months have given me so much to think about and consider about me, who I believe I am, who I believe I want to be. They’ve taught me about the things that make me amazing, vulnerable, scared, angry, sad, lonely… they’ve taught me when I am at my best, and when I’m not.

I am at my best…

When I am with friends, with family, with the people who pour into me, and those I can pour back into. And it’s not always a question of proximity. Though… sometimes it is. Wednesday night I was able to spend an occasion with my friend Amy. Amy is amazing… she tells it like it is and I can always count on her for that. Even in the moments when I fucking hate it. We had another mutual friend at The Castle and some of Amy’s other friends, who I believe I will commandeer for myself as well. And… it was comfortable and fun and gave me space to be at my best. I. Love. People. I love the stories we share and the touch points that bring us to common intersections. I love what connects us, even in the six degrees of Kevin Bacon kind of way. Amy’s friend Carey, and I think I’m misspelling her name, is an ’87 graduate of Aurora Central High School. Degree two. I am a ’91 graduate of ACHS. She graduated one year before my arrival and yet we’re connected by Amy and Aurora Central.

Jeff… a graduate of Gateway High School. We’re connected through a common industry and both know Amy. Degree two. Common industry. Common City. It’s funny the little twists and turns you take.

It was really a perfect evening and did a ton for me in the battle of Liz v. Loneliness. Liz I, loneliness 0.

I am at my best…

When I am at happy hour with Jaymee. Sitting on the upstairs patio of The View House. the sun is shining and though it’s a bit windy, it’s still a beautiful afternoon. I’m grateful for her friendship, for her awareness of where I am and what I need. Today… it was wine, nachos, a little confession, a little straight talk, a little looking at the super cute manager type at the restaurant. Jaymee is not unlike Amy. She too… tells it just how it is, and with a flair that only Jaymee has.

It was vacation pregame.

Tomorrow is Friday.

I am at my best…

When I am having lunch with Sheritta. I love love love her too… she’s amazing. Most of the women in my life are. Sheritta is also my companion next week for Kauai. You see, Chet and I were going to spend next week together in Kauai but clearly that’s changed. Originally I thought I’d go alone. Being self aware, because if nothing else, I am at least self aware, I decided that was a terrible idea. So… change out a ticket, pay a difference in airfare and now I will be spending the week with one of my favorite gal pals. I love Sheritta… she’s one of my single gal pals, and dammit she makes it look so easy. I love her for that and I am sure there’s a lesson or two here to be had in this.

I am hoping for my Waiting To Exhale moment. I still struggle with wanting to burn the shit down, like really burn it down… But, instead, I believe the best thing I can do for myself in this moment, is to go to Kauai, enjoy every single moment afforded me, enjoy the beach, the waves, the company of a great girlfriend, the wedding of my niece Sarah, seeing my brother Dave, and watching him walk his baby girl down the aisle.

I believe I am at my best when I am able to be true to myself, for the good, the bad, and the ugly. I believe I am at my best when I am authentically me, even when that shows up as a ten minute tirade on Facebook Live. I believe I am at my best when I can share my life, the good, the bad, with people who mean something to me. So thank you Amy, for sharing your life with me, unapologetically, on the treadmill, at the track, at The Castle and letting me share my life with you… you’ve had more than your fair share of me. Thank you Jaymee… girl, just thank you. You’re fierce and I love that, you’re unapologetic, and I love that too. Thank you Sheritta, for being my last minute wingman, I believe you’re my perfect companion on this one… and I am looking forward to the gal pal holiday. Thank you Chef Untisz… for dinner pictures, and filling some of the loneliness. And to everyone else, and you know you who are, for being a part of the last two months, propping me up when necessary, validating my “crazy”, validating that the last two months are less about me and more about what he isn’t, wasn’t and never will be… not in a million years.