Big Girl Things…

I believe so much in our world, our day to day happiness, unhappiness, and outright distraught-ness, typically revolves around our ability, or in ability to establish appropriate boundaries and expectations. I say this… because I happen to be a PRO at doing a poor job with boundaries and only marginally better with expectations.

In the world of Big Girl Things, which has become a mantra lately, this is an area where I believe I need to give some special attention and practice to.

And here’s why.

The suffering I create for myself because I presume and want to believe my circle ticks like me is just fundamentally inaccurate. Not across the board, but it shows up. I am a consistent rose tinted glasses wearer. I see the good, to a fault, to the place where I would see red flags as circus indicators rather than for what they truly are, the warning signs along my path. I believed my last relationship wanted what I wanted. In part, because of my rose color glasses, in part, because he wasn’t able to articulate that we weren’t really on the same page at all; he was going along for the ride, because being clear with his expectations wasn’t something he was able to communicate. Boy howdy, would it have saved some heartache if he had.

So do it different.

Learn from the mistakes of our past. Simply because we believe in our boundaries of today doesn’t mean we’re not allowed to make better choices, set stronger boundaries, and clearer expectations for ourselves in the future. I want to be clear, because it’s important, boundaries and expectations are set by ourselves for ourselves. We can’t, though I try, to set boundaries and expectations for others in our lives. Notwithstanding small children, rarely does it work. I fall in to this trap all of the time, and I believe many women, and men do too. I think because I am my “norm” people I identify with and surround myself with are cut from the same cloth, and while that may be true, it really doesn’t mean we have common boundaries and expectations though the likelihood could be greater than not.

Just today.

I pulled up the big girl panties, and reset and shifted some expectations and boundaries. It was hard, and uncomfortable and necessary. And did I mention uncomfortable? I am in a season where I get to redefine myself. What is acceptable to me and for me. This has created the space for me to consider the woman I want to be. I’ve lately received a ton of messages, texts, emails of other women in my circle affirming my bravery, my authenticity, my honesty, and I am touched beyond measure by such great belief in me.

But…

For those accolades and messages to really apply and belong to me, I need to be aware of the boundaries I am setting, the expectations I have for my life and how I am choosing to orchestrate it. It matters. Especially when another woman or women are watching. Am I behaving in a fashion deserving of the compliments?

And…

When I’m not, it’s on me to reset and realign my boundaries and expectations to rise to the occasion.

Hard? Yes! Perfect? Absolutely NOT! Getting Better?

Every. Single. Day.