Commitment. It’s a conundrum of a word to me. It really is. I’ve been thinking for days now, seriously days, that it’s time that I start getting real. I find that I have little problem honoring some commitments, but not all of them. I find that I am able to swiftly keep my commitments to work, to my husband, my friends, my son. Not to say that I don’t falter. I do. More than I’d like. But, more often than not, I am pretty damn solid there.
I am pretty solid with the commitments I make to mentoring, to other community service projects I take on, to visiting my mother-in-law with great regularity. Those commitments just seem to come easy for me.
Now… if some of them come easy, than I suppose it’s safe to say that there are some that don’t. Those are the ones I’d really like to start getting real with. These commitments are those that aren’t nearly as sexy, at least not in my mind. Nor, are they as important as the others… again, in my mind. Say for example remembering to simply take my Juice Plus. Dear goodness…who knew that honoring that one little thing would prove to be such a challenge. Right?
I’m exhausted. Most of the time. It’s certainly no secret, so I’ll cheerfully, well, maybe not so cheerfully, let the cat out of the bag that I have been long struggling with my weight. I had done amazing things in 2011-2012, even running two half marathons. I suffered an injury and that injury put the dagger straight into my self commitment. I’ve struggled for the past YEARS. Dear God, YEARS to get back to good. Still… I am not there. Not to mention the additional damage I seem to do with the ridiculous amount of downright nasty self talk I indulge in. Honestly… who needs the church to bash me when I am falling short as a Christian, or my family in the times I fall short for them, or to a trainer, nutritionist, doctor or anyone else when I am falling short in those areas. I seem to do a fine job all on my own. No help needed.
So today, I took another step in getting real. I went to Target and did some fairly grand shopping. I love Target for a million reasons, but today’s is because it put me another step closer to getting real. I had a talk with my closet today, most of the things in it anyway. I wonder why I am hanging on to a million things that are size 12, when today, that’s just not me. I wonder why I continue the daily battle of getting dressed for work and really hating what’s in the mirror? (see that self talk thing?) So today, I went and bought several new pants and tops — in my size, the size I am today. I suppose that it’s one small step that I can take.
Tomorrow, I am taking another. I am setting the alarm. 8:00. I am going to walk the dog. Heck, he needs the exercise and so do I. Tomorrow I am also going to give it my very best effort to be kind. Be kind to myself and try to start a trend…