Small Town Living…

Posted on July 1, 2015 by lizzyc1973

There is just something to be said for small town living… Or in this case, small town vacation.  Today marks day two of our week in Neligh, Nebraska, USA.  It’s a great place to come home to, especially on the Fourth of July.  America at it’s heart.  It’s the place where you drive down the road and wave to your neighbor, heck, even if it isn’t your neighbor — because what small town Nebraska does well is community.

Today we went to the AshFall Fossil beds, one of the largest fossil sites in North America.Ashfalls  Herds of rhino and three toed horse fell victim to ash asphyxiation as the result of a probable volcanic eruption — a lava bed that lies below the surface of Yellowstone today.  One of our guides mentioned that the millions of years ago this probable eruption happened that the lava bed was most likely under what is now Idaho.  Amazing… The patience of the excavators marvels me.  Painstakingly removing layer by layer and identifying piece by piece, even down to the incisor teeth of ancient kangaroo rats.

Next stop… Grove Lake Trout Hatchery.  We need to go back there tomorrow, didn’t get to spend enough time there.

Then… out to the farm.  Our Uncle Ron and Aunt Diana have lived there for what seems like forever to me, especially given that they’ll celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary in 2017.  Not much has changed. You still pull up the dirt road and park, hop out of the car and walk in.  It’s just how it goes in Nebraska. 11200768_10204371357556157_1325879541915250118_n Dinner was everything I remember as a child visiting.  Fried chicken and potatoes… a couple of salads, warm biscuits.  And while some of these things are now pre-made for efficiency… the are none-the-less amazing.  Biscuits taste better in Nebraska.  This is truth. Fire flies and thunderstorms. Bologna spread sandwiches for our picnic tomorrow.  These are some of the things I love most about coming to Nebraska.  Eric thinks that Uncle Ron’s last name should be Neligh, given he really has an encyclopedic knowledge of the community he calls home. Aunt Diana has been baking… we’ll have some angel food cake tomorrow at lunch, and I know that our Grandma Dottie’s chocolate cake with fudge icing will happen before we make it home.

It was an amazing day here.  I am so grateful for the time we’re gifted with spending here.  The hospitality, well it rivals Southern hospitality and this beats Disneyland ANY. DAY.

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Speaking on Equality and Tolerance…

Posted on June 26, 2015 by lizzyc1973

The SCOTUS has been rather busy this week, issuing opinions on a myriad of cases including Obamacare and Marriage Equality. So in speaking on equality and tolerance… I think about my values, where I sit, where I stand, what is worth my argument and fight and what is not.tolerance

tolerance

[tol-er-uh ns]
noun
1. a fair, objective, and permissive attitude toward those whose opinions, beliefs, practices, racial or ethnic origins, etc.,  differ from one’s own; freedom from bigotry.
2. a fair, objective, and permissive attitude toward opinions, beliefs, and practices that differ from one’s own.
3. interest in and concern for ideas, opinions, practices, etc., foreign to one’s own; a liberal, undogmatic viewpoint.
4. the act or capacity of enduring; endurance: My tolerance of noise is limited.

Tolerance is one of those words I think we love to throw around, A LOT, and yet, I think it’s a concept that few can truly embrace and put into practice. And so if we’re going to be honest, which is one of the values I hold above any other, I feel like we should be really look inward and see where our prejudices and limitations live. Tolerance is one of those crazy things, we talk it and talk it well, until someone’s opinion differs from our own.

Honestly, my faith in my Creator, the way  I was brought up leads me to the conclusion that marriage is between a man and a woman for the purposes of creating a family.  For me, it’s not condemnation of a lifestyle, it’s just a matter of my faith. That is not to say that I don’t believe that same sex couples should have the same accessibility to tax benefits, homownership, and medical decision making, to feel love and express love, to feel and express heart break.  I know amazing homosexual couples they’re good and kind people, amazing big hearted generous people.  I have no animus toward them in any respect, simply a divergence of belief.  By many, I’d be labeled homophobic, bigoted, or any other number of slurs. And really, I think I’m a good and decent person. 16193_10154099275211959_4721179569942249835_n Of course, I think I am a good and decent person that things our government shouldn’t be in the marriage business.

Flip side, I see (in social media circles more than anywhere else) detractors of marriage equality condemning and hurling slurs to the gay community.  And you know what? It’s all wrong.  All of it.  I don’t think that I should be no more labeled for living my Christian faith, than someone else living a faith or lifestyle that differs from mine.  And that brings me back to tolerance.  Who are we to call someone else mean hateful names? A difference of opinion, I get it.  Being mean and hateful, I don’t.

When I first read the definition I got caught up in definition number one — a fair objective and permissive attitude…  And then a little self check.  Permissive that’s the word that hooked into my craw.  I think it is because I am linking permissive to celebratory.  I think.  So here’s my thing.  I am a person who is a work in progress. I mess up, daily.  At the end of the day, I need to reconcile my beliefs and this is what I think will work best to help keep me in check, be responsible with and for my judgements and hopefully be a better person in the process. And truth… are my sins and shortcomings and better or worse than anyone else?  Of course this could go a million directions from murder to any other number of violent crime.  For the purpose of this blog, my sins and your sins are those little wrong doings, the ones we commit daily, often without even realizing it.

For me, my judgement will come when I take my last breath and am no longer of this earth.  My God and Creator will look at the totality of my life, and will know if I have made my very human attempt at living a life that follows HIS direction.  And truth, for me, I think it’s about how I live my life more than the judgements  I can make on another’s. And whatever and wherever your belief systems take you, you will face a time or not, that you will confront the life you’ve lived and was it worthy and decent?  I hope so for me… and I hope so for you too.

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When Life Might Be Too Much…

Posted on June 20, 2015 by lizzyc1973

It’s Saturday morning, and before I get started with the things that are on my “to do” list today, I needed to write.  Today, seems like one of those days when life might be too much.  emanuel-ame-church

Wednesday, the unthinkable happened in Charleston, South Carolina. At this point it’s safe to say that we’ve all heard about a maniac, a thug, a lost soul that entered into Emmanuel AME, welcomed by the Bible study that evening.  We’ve heard that this individual sat for an hour maybe listening, maybe not to the thoughts and hopes of this community of faith as they sought the Word in being stronger in their walk with the Lord. We’ve heard that he pulled the trigger on nine, killing them for no other reason but for their skin color. We’ve heard that he “spared” one, so that person might tell others why he did what he did, and it just makes no sense. None.

Emmanuel AME 1And it’s confusing to me. It’s confusing for a million reasons.  It’s confusing because the families that are broken have grace I can’t imagine if I were in the same place. They’ve grace enough to forgive the worst in us.  It’s confusing because there is evidence that in this horrible moment that communities of faith come together to mourn, to pray, to talk and to share their experience. Held together in faith, not race nor political party. And, it’s confusing, because in this moment there is still so much that keeps us divisive. I can’t help but to think this isn’t the heart of God. From gun laws to parenting, to mental illness and addiction…there is so much that we’ll never know.

I’m sad…

And so before a day that is filled with housework, errands, eye appointments and otherwise seemingly mundane activities I need to stop myself, from being riled by what I see on television, read in social media and simply stop to pray.  Pray for a community as they walk a path of grief and pain, for those who seek to find a reason “why”.  Racially motivated and horribly horribly evil….there just seems to me that there has to be something more.  What is it that causes a maniac, a thug, in the truest sense of the work to bring harm to innocence.  I need to actively work on not being pulled into the divisive, it’s so easy to be sucked in to… another aspect of the human condition I suspect.

And then… a point blank shooting of a police officer in Louisiana, shot dead by the suspect he was transporting. Another senseless act, and another family that will never be the same.

My ask for today, regardless of  your faith or not, your scientific thought, or not… take a moment and seek understanding in whatever place it lives for you. Emmanuel AME2My moment is in prayer, for Emmanuel AME, for hope that tomorrow perhaps we’ll hurt a little less and maybe understand a little more.

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It’s Definitely Summer…

Posted on June 13, 2015 by lizzyc1973

It’s been busy at Chez Wiler.  Daniel has graduated, gone back to work for the summer, getting tattooed, and getting ready for college in the fall.  It’s definitely summer. There is so much to fit in to so few months… but this is what we’re up to.

auntie lizzy and nuggetFirst up… My sister Jennifer is coming home for a minute.  She lives in Riverside, CA and seeing here come home, and well, it will be good to see her. Eric is traveling to CA and will make the drive back with Jennifer, Rebecca (my niece), and A-Wayne — also known as Anthony, or around my house… Nugget.  I love them.

From there we’ll celebrate the 80th birthday of my mother-in-law, Sandy. She’s getting older, and there is the always present fear and realization that she won’t always be here.  I’ve been working on ancestry stuff and really want to get as much of her story as possible.  My goal, is to ensure that she will not always be around, that her story will.

Then… it’s off to Neligh, Nebraska to celebrate Independence Day, small town style.  This includes pancake breakfasts, parades through town, ice cream socials, and turtle racing.  At four years old, Anthony is perfect for this sort of adventure.  Oh… I forgot to mention fireworks.  Small town Nebraska is great, because we’re able to set off fireworks.  I have cousins there who have now married and started their families. neligh This is the stuff that matters folks. These were the trips that as a kid, I dreaded…loathed if I were telling the truth.  Why couldn’t my parents be the cool ones and whisk us off to Disneyland? I am grateful that they didn’t…because as a grown-up, I’ve learned to love the time with my family, playing turkey tracks, going to the fish hatchery and catching fireflies.

Then… back home.  The Friends of Aurora Central High School Alumni Association is busy at work, growing quickly and seeking the spaces where we’re able to influence change in our community.  We’ll have the honor of recognizing one of the truly great members of our community this fall, and so there is much work centered around that. We’re hosting another round of #ThePromDressProject, which we’re calling the Homecoming Edition.  There will be football games, soccer games, concerts, ladies volleyball and softball too.  It’s busy.  But it’s just the sort of thing that I love and live for.

jamesleeThat takes us give or take to Labor Day weekend and the annual Wiler honeymoon.  Another one of those things I most look forward to during the year.  The ability to go see new places with Eric, well it never disappoints.  With San Francisco, CA, Mobile, AL, Deadwood and Rapid City, SD under our belts it’s time to go south again.  Destination, Memphis, TN.  I’ve found what I am hoping is the most amazing bed and breakfast there.  The James Lee House is a restored historic landmark and our quarters for the weekend.  I’m looking forward to Graceland and river boats, and did I mention that I LOVE southern hospitality?

Again home… and the start of fall.  Fall will include a brief trip to Danville, IL for my sister Keri’s wedding, and then before we know it… It’s time for Halloween, Thanksgiving, and dare to say… Christmas!

So there you have it… a brief glimpse into how we intend to spend our summer vacation.  What are you up to this summer?

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Turning Another Page…

Posted on May 20, 2015 by lizzyc1973

Last week I arrived at one of the pinnacle moment’s in my life as a mom.  Daniel graduated from high school.  NO easy task here.  In fact, ultimately, it was much more challenging than I would have thought, for a million reasons, easily.  But… we made it.  This week, we start by turning another page.  No more will we spend time considering prom, our requisite community service.  There is no more worry over having ordered a year book, or taking the AP exams.  Today, it’s different.  turning-pages

There is a tribe of “my” seniors from Aurora Central who participated in commencement exercises yesterday.  I am equally proud of these young people as Daniel.  They’ve worked hard, put in amazing hours.  They’ve excelled, they’ve cut it close, but they’ve done it.

They’re all turning another page. My son, and my other kids. Darius will be attending Black Hills State University in the fall.  Jevin, Yamel,  and Carleon will be attending CSU Pueblo.  Daniel will be attending Arapahoe Community, Dominique is off to Community College of Denver, and Eric, well, he’s weighing his options.  I like that about him.  Considering that he may not know just where he wants to be yet.  Isn’t it funny how they all have their own paths… for me, Daniel’s path isn’t anything that I thought it might be when he was off to his first day of kindergarten.  Do my cohort parents feel the same?  I know that we’re all proud them, completely.

I had the gift of meeting some of Daruis’ family yesterday. What a gift… I love this boy as much as my own, and I had the opportunity to meet the woman who is his mother, and that we share a common bond of wanting every good thing for our young man.

I’ve shared four amazing years with Dominique and her family.  Four years of ups that were amazing, downs that have tested the very limits of what relationships are.  Always learning about who we are, how we communicate, how we rise above the challenges that we have singularly, and in relationship. Can we be a stand for each other even in the places where we just don’t think we can? Yes.  Just yes.

And with all of the excitement of my son’s completion of high school and my Aurora Central young people finishing this chapter, we all turn another page together.  I look forward to the next chapter in the novel of my life.  To each of you, all whom have made an indelible mark on my heart, a lasting place always here for you, thank you for sharing your experience with me, thank you for letting me play this game of life with you.  I am grateful and proud of you all.

With love always…

Liz.

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It’s Quiet… Too Quiet. (A Message for Mothers)

Posted on May 6, 2015 by lizzyc1973

I call my sister Jennifer nearly every morning.  At least every weekday morning on my way to the office, she’s getting her family off to school, work, and school.  silence-is-goldenToday we were commiserating over the latest dramas and challenges of our lives.  Both, have to do with our children.  My son is 18 and we’re entering a season of his life that leaves me dumbfounded.  Her son, is 7 or 8 ish. He too is entering a season of his life that leaves her dumbfounded.  And in this conversation it hit me. Like. A. Ton. Of. Bricks.  Be on the look out, because when it’s quiet…too quiet, are the times as parents we need to be most vigilant.

Funny right?  As parents, we often say, the only time we worry about our toddlers is when they’re quiet.  So I stopped, and almost dead in my tracks kind of stop and thought… that’s as true now when my young man is 18 or when he was 14, or 10, and even 3.  When it’s too quiet, is when as parents we should be most on guard.

We live in a world that is ever changing and growing more crazy by the minute. The risks get greater and the stakes are higher.  Jennifer and I talked about “who’s job is it anyway?” And I think I’ve decided while the “job” whatever it may be is ultimately belongs to my son, when I signed up as Mom that made me a part of the deal.  It’s a commitment that began when I realized I was pregnant and a commitment I will honor until my last breath.  It is a special gift to be a mother.  For the mothers out there, enjoy it.  Enjoy the easy breezy times, the times when you don’t know which end is up, the times where your wonder how on earth this child is yours for the good and for the bad.  Motherhood is quite possibly the most challenging and probably most rewarding task you’ll ever take.

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Brightness Can Be Found In The Dark…

Posted on May 2, 2015 by lizzyc1973

Idioms.  They’re everywhere.  It’s always darkest before the dawn.  Every cloud has a silver lining.  That which does not kill you will make you stronger. I’d like to add another today.  Brightness can be found in the dark.  I’ve been in the midst of a difficult season in my life. In fact, this past week I’ve written about God not giving me more than I can handle and how I think that’s the biggest lie ever. I’ve called out to Him in what seems to be every moment over the past few weeks.  darkest before dawn

I don’t have cancer.  Great news.  I’ve had ultrasounds, blood work, biopsy, MRI and none of it has found anything.  That’s great, though unsettling that there was still something in my physical that my doctor wasn’t good with.  But it’s okay, and we’ll work through it as the days, weeks, months, and years go by.

There has been family dynamics things that happen that have caught me utterly by surprise, left me shaken, scared.  Things that maybe I’ve known yet never acknowledged. Disappointments in places where I’m not at all surprised and disappointment where I never thought it would live.

Tonight at dinner, I asked my young man what the highlight of his week was.  In typical teenage fashion — no great stellar answer, acing a test, a successful assignment.  Nothing remarkable.  For me, the brightest moments of the week happened in the darkest of spaces.  In that space, I’ve been given the gift to look at my life, re-prioritize the things that really matter.  I am given a finite number of days, and what I choose to do with them are mine…for the most part anyhow.

Here’s what I know.  There is nothing that means more to me than this.  A God that is so mighty that he has a plan for me, allows me the moments to rise to the occasion. A husband that has my back, really has my back.  A son that I love more than any other human on the planet, truly. And for what it’s worth, an amazing ex-husband and wing mom that I know are there for our son, it’s an amazing thing to have the support of a tribe.

In this darkness, there is light, look for it, it’s always there.

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A Blog About A Blog About A Blog….

Posted on April 30, 2015 by lizzyc1973

It’s Wednesday… my regularly scheduled blog day.  When I started my OLW (one little word) I made a commitment to myself that I would in fact, schedule time to blog.  I made an appointment with myself once a week to blog.  Every Wednesday the alarm goes off to gently remind me that today is the day that I get together with my thoughts and write. I think mostly, because my secret career would to be an author.  The other day I read A Blog About A Blog  About a blog. We (bloggers) all have something to say, a desire to be heard, to have something meaningful to add to the blogosphere. The point of this blog about a blog is that most, well at least most personal blogs root in the love of the written word.  That’s the case for me anyhow. writingThe point of Esther’s blog is that often we become so wrapped up in will this post be read, be liked, be shared that we cease writing for the love of writing and instead create homework assignments.  I think about it and think… I don’t know anyone that enjoys homework.  Point. Made. I also have taken on writing a blog for my company.  The Power of Print blog hosted right here on WordPress. Shameless plug, you should check it out. I schedule this writing on Monday.  Monday has come and gone, and I have yet to pen something for the business blog.  We created this blog as a part of an effort to help bring awareness to our business and the amazing things we’re up to in addition to using the blog as a tool that we hope will grow our business.   Anyhow, I sat right back down today to write and found myself staring a homework assignment right in the face.  Nothing compelling has come to me after several strong weeks of writing. So… I stopped.  I considered Esther’s blog about a blog and I put it away.

While it would be nice to have something compelling to say every week, and our readers often stay tuned for the next installment, sometimes that doesn’t happen. So only if it is compelling to me, it is important to realize that thought is not confined to a time schedule.  A tick of the clock.  And so while I was considering the entry for tonight, my writer’s block for the Power of Print blog has dissipated and I have decided that  I have a new topic, something to say and even if it’s only compelling to me… well, I will be writing for the love of the written word.

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It’s A Big Fat Lie…

Posted on April 27, 2015 by lizzyc1973

I’m guessing that most of us have heard the saying, “God won’t give you more than you can handle.”  You’ve heard it right?  I know I have.  I know I’ve said it.  Guess what?  I think it’s a big fat lie.  I think the opposite is true.  I think that God very intentionally gives us more than we can handle.  He’s been doing it to me quite a bit lately.

I’m still not clear on what is the source of my doctor’s concern with my testing.  I’ve had the ultrasounds, the blood work, the biopsy, and MRI and I am still waiting for the outcome.  It’s shaken me more than I’ve ever imagined.  I’ve worried, not worried, cried, big girled up and cried some more. SONY DSC

A four year with relationship with a young woman I’ve mentored has ended.  Abruptly.  I’ve cried over that too. I’ve been angry, hurt, disappointed and scared over this too.

I’ve had money stolen from my wallet recently.  Not tons…but it was money purposed for something important.  And it’s lost. No one claims the action and that leaves me feeling poorly,taken advantage of — generally used.

My mentoring organization… I’m not feeling very connected, I’m not feeling included, appreciated and valued. At all. I’ve been feeling that unless I am a squeaky wheel… well, then no news is good news sort of thing.  Not good.

And then…

There’s some family dynamics that are so utterly big, the possibility to be horribly disruptive and destructive and it’s shaken me literally to my core.  I’ve been rattled to the place where the hurt of the heart is real and physically present.  I’ve been mad, angry, disappointed, shattered, hurt… and more than anything scared.

The point, is that God does give me more than I can handle, it’s intentional. It’s intentional because he is simply there waiting for me to call out to Him.  To take that which I can’t handle alone and help me work through each and every step to some larger purpose.

The outcomes of most of these things… save the theft are still so very up in the air.  I’m being called to pray, consider, and wait. The waiting is the hardest part.  Having faith that God has my back is hard, even though I know it’s true. God gives you more than you can handle, so you’ll pick up the spiritual phone and call out to the ONE who can move mountains.

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How The Road Curves…

Posted on April 23, 2015 by lizzyc1973

It is interesting to me, in life, how the road curves. I’ve been reading some of my entries to this point in my OLW (One Little Word) for 2015 and I’ve been everywhere.Mallorca Island  I’ve been contemplating everything from whether or not I have cancer to trying to find ways to get my dog to sleep through the night to what adoption (my word) looks like.  I just find it interesting, if not a little curious or otherwise funny.

Tomorrow is MRI day.  The last of the tests ordered by my physician as a result of some abnormal cells located in my lab work.  Ultrasound shows “something” though that’s vague.  The blood work shows that I don’t have uterine cancer that presents much the same way pregnancy does.  Biopsy — negative for endometrial cancer.  So two flavors have been ruled out.  I’ve gone through this process praying that nothing is wrong.  Today, for the first time, I’ve considered how I hope they find something.  Odd isn’t it? Please don’t find something, because I don’t want to be sick, but, on the other hand, please find something so I know what it is. I think I’ll file this under #firstworldproblems.

Life continues to happen even through all of this.  There are alumni meetings, quarterback club meetings, mentoring… oh that.  My mentoring relationship has pretty much crashed and burned.  That hurts.  A lot. I hope at some point in the future this situation will work out, because Dominique is that important to me.  Right now, space, a big vacuum of space is where the relationship lies.  I still pay attention.  I can’t help it.

I have a friend who is beginning a season of grief that in no way I can wrap my head around. Moments of grief in the midst of a season of happy, or perhaps, it’s moments of happy that live within a season of grief.  Life continues to happen.

In the midst of all of these twists, turns, and sometimes straightaways on this road, I am reminded of the amazing friends and companions I walk this journey with and the honor and privilege it is to be a friend and companion for those I walk with.

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