There Is Nothing I Can Do…

Posted on April 21, 2015 by lizzyc1973

I have a friend, she’s quite a dear friend, and the type of woman  every woman would be lucky to have in her life. She’s the type of friend  you’d do anything for and today, there is nothing I can do to ease the pain of her very broken heart.  broken heartNothing  I can influence today is going to make her pain lessen, the absolute physical pain  you feel when your heart is broken, honestly broken.

I will walk with her in her time, I will pray with her and for her.  My hope is  she knows she is loved and that while she may feel horribly alone, she’s not.

I hope she knows that while it may seem her days ahead are without light, love, or laughter that she’ll be okay.  Not today, and not for sometime, but she will.  She is an amazing woman, one grounded by faith and the hope that carries others when they are unable to carry themselves.  So my dear dear friend, you are loved and you are not alone.  For even in the times when physically no one is near, I know you know that HE is.

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Sometimes…You Can’t Change Things

Posted on April 16, 2015 by lizzyc1973

Sometimes…you can’t change things.  You want to, but you can’t.  I’ve spent the past two weeks wanting to either control and/or change things in my life.  And… there are some things I can change.  The color of my bathroom walls for example. (that’s how I spent most of my weekend)  However, there are also things that I can’t change.  I can’t make ultrasound results happen faster or be different.  I can’t make blood test results or biopsy results happen any faster than what they will be.  And truth, I can’t change whatever it is now that my doctor is looking for.  I know today that it’s not endometrial cancer, and for that, I am truly grateful and thankful to God.  I still have an MRI in my future, because there is still something that’s just not quite right.  Next Thursday we get that done.

1536477_10152521015861959_1714421496_n My cheer squad picture circa 1988
1557665_10153676289241959_7419731584958106469_n Aurora Central cheer leaders 2015. We all have school spirit!

All serious things for sure.  Today something even more serious happened, at least from my crazy perspective.  It’s #tbt or Throw Back Thursday.   Today, an alum of my high school posted here cheer squad picture from 1979.  Truly, it’s a fun picture, I love that there is Farrah Fawcett hair, I love the embroidered skirts… It was probably a pretty great day in 1979. So this picture…it’s a picture that reflected Aurora Central at the time, as near as I can tell, given I was about six years old. But in this picture, there are no African American girls, there are no Latina girls, there are no Asian girls either. It caught the attention of someone else out there in FB land. So rather than wondering who those ladies are…what are they doing now, it sparked a pretty heated conversation about the state of race relations in 1979.  Guess what? Sometimes…you can’t change things.  We can’t change that in 1979 the cheerleaders at Aurora Central High School were white girls. Just the same as the squad today, is primarily, if not all African American or Latina girls.  It is a picture of what and who Aurora Central is today.  Understand, I am not making commentary on is it good or bad, frankly, I’m all in for the diversity of the school.  I believe the fabric of the community is stronger for it.  But just the same it created a space for a conversation about something that we can’t change.  We can’t change 1979, whether or not there was a need to change 1979.  We can choose what we do with 2015, 2016, 2017… We can change how we show up today, the choices we make and the stands we choose to take.  Today my stand, is to accept that there are things I can’t change.  I don’t like it, but it’s true. Today, my stand, is also to really live the hashtag I dutifully use #alwaysatrojan.  I am not a white trojan, a girl trojan, a cheerleader trojan, a Latin club trojan, a Letterman club trojan, a Student Government trojan… I am simply #alwaysatrojan.

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I’m Not A Doctor…

Posted on April 11, 2015 by lizzyc1973

I’m not a doctor… and I don’t play one on tv, though these past few weeks you wouldn’t know it.  I’ve had some abnormal test results in my physical that have more or less sent me over the edge.  ABC's "Grey's Anatomy" - Season TenThe places where rational thought and emotional crazy weave in and out of each other like a very intricate dance.  I’ve had ultrasound, I’ve had blood work, and a biopsy now too.  The only thing left is an MRI.  And I’ve been worked up more than I care to admit.  But… it’s scary.  If anyone has ever said the “C” word to you, you know.

So… in the midst of the tests and the worry I’ve spent more time than I should with good old WebMD.  Reading about everything that could even remotely be my “diagnosis.”  Mind you, I’m still not a doctor and still not on the cast of Grey’s Anatomy.  The crazy thing is… and I’m guessing people relate. It’s almost impossible to resist.  Really.  The access to “on demand” information serves many great purposes.  Booking a trip, applying for work, checking your bank balance.  But… then there are times where this just doesn’t work.  Like now.  Like self diagnosing what ails me.  Now, don’t get me wrong.  I don’t think it’s all bad. I’ve actually found some comfort this morning in learning more about the things that the human body can do and go through.  It provides more insight, and for that I feel better.

I’m still anxious, not gonna lie.  But I am less anxious this morning than I have been in a good week.  There is a reason for why I am where I am.  Ultimately, the money that will be spent on processes and procedures will provide an answer for whatever it is.  That’s okay too.  Even if it’s nothing.  I’ve thought about that and just been aghast at the money.  But… for the good or the bad it will provide answer. I think now, I’ll go catch up on Grey’s…

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My Life Needs A Rewind Button…

Posted on April 10, 2015 by lizzyc1973

Today is one of the days I am absolutely convinced that my life needs a rewind button. Cassette-REW-550 It wasn’t one of my better days of late, in fact, I’d suggest it’s been one of the most trying this week. I had my blood work done on Tuesday and as I suspected, I’m not pregnant.  Whew right?  Well only because it’s something that just isn’t possible.  But that still does little to answer the what’s going on with me questions.  That sucks.  This morning I was thinking about what’s been going on in my week.  How can I show up differently to influence my surroundings? My outcomes? With the health stuff, with other stuff….it’s all stuff.

The biopsy is tomorrow… I have to tell you, it doesn’t sound fun. Having the test on a Friday, having the entire weekend to consider the results.  Eric having work travel, this isn’t fun.  I’m afraid that results will happen while he’s out of town, my rock.  Can I big girl enough to get through it? It’s sounding excruciating. In fact, I’d rather be sitting in the dentist chair. No nitrous.

My MRI has been scheduled and the valium has been prescribed.  Next Thursday.  I get two done. One with and one without contrast.  I’ve never had this type of procedure done and frankly, I don’t think I’m claustrophobic. Then again, I’ve never been in a little tube that makes a ton of noise either. I don’t think I get headphones.  That blows. But we still don’t know what we don’t know so it files in the necessary column. Nerve wracking. The money… oh dear goodness the money.  Insurance rate? Cash pay rate? Oh… the rewind button.  Wouldn’t it be great to have one? Kind of like the “easy” button for Office Depot.  That little secret weapon to have on hand for those moments when things aren’t what you want them.  Of course, in hitting that button, I suppose we couldn’t be sure that the circumstances would be any different?  I suppose if I had the button and pushed it, things could remain the same.  They could be better… but then what if it’s worse?

It’s always easy to wish for a different outcome.  To wish that you could take something back, and action, a word… but the truth — we can’t.  Another one of those gnarly ailments of the human condition for the good, the bad, the ugly.

So I won’t be hitting the rewind, even if I had it.  I’ll push play and take each note at a time and enjoy the music that happens note by note.

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It’s never easy…

Posted on April 6, 2015 by lizzyc1973
John 14:27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.

It’s never easy… To not worry, not stress, not react.  I think that could be the hardest struggle in my life as a Christian.  How many times EVERYDAY do I think I know more?  I control more? I can do more?

I’ve had the first two tests done from my doctor visit last week.  I was hoping that would put a nice tidy little end to things.  It didn’t.  Next up, a blood test to confirm that I am not in fact pregnant, which would be ridiculous to consider (it’s just not possible) after that there is the biopsy on Friday… and somewhere in between all of that there is now a call for an MRI.  Stay tuned.

Here’s the thing… My logical brain, the place that does math and knows that I blatantly use two spaces at the end of a sentence knows that this whatever “this” is — is going to be whatever it is, there’s nothing in the scope of my very human need for control can do.  Period.  That’s just the simple truth.  hard moment godAnd there lives the emotional space, the place where worry dwells.  The place where my faith lives, but can be so frail. So I’m admitting that I’m kind of a hot mess even in the place of I don’t know what I don’t know yet.  That place where I struggle, because I know God has my back, no matter what an outcome is, but that my desire for human control, where it just thinks I must know more than God.  That, my dear dear friends is ridiculous, at least in my life.  In my world, it’s God that decided that I should be born on September 10, 1973 at 8:51 a.m. It’s God that decided when Daniel would enter my life and be perhaps my greatest source of joy (and occasional pain), so it stands to reason that there is purpose in today in what God has intended for my to learn and live in uncertainty.  I think denying my fear, anxiety, worry… seems larger than what I am humanly capable of.  So I’ll be working, and praying for peace,  knowing God still has my back.

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It’s been a week…

Posted on April 4, 2015 by lizzyc1973

It’s been a week… of some pretty amazing highs and some pretty jacked up lows.  It’s been a week.  So.  The Prom Dress Project had our second sale… not as successful as the first go round.  No.  Scratch that. Our purple Cinderella dress found a home.  To a young woman that is a student at Aurora Central.  She has no family to speak of…she’s a refugee.  And the purple Cinderella dress — well, that’s her dress.  So big win for the team!

Our story made front page news of our little community newspaper.  Some partner high schools have reached out to see if we’d host for them as well.  The Prom Dress Project lives.

Meeting on Thursday night to discuss what is to become of my alma mater… Aurora Central. Aurora Central is a staple in the community. But a staple that serves the lesser in our community.  Those who are immigrant status.  Those who may become homeless. Tonight.  Those who don’t foster an ideal that education is the one gift that can truly move mountains.  We spoke to several board members, community members at large, and I am left concerned.  What will become of my home?  Whatever the outcome.  I’m in…there is too much at risk with the young people that this community serves.

Quarterback Club meeting. Can’t attend, it’s the same night as the
AC status meeting.  But I am briefed after the two meetings. Who doesn’t like football?  Love the new coach.  He leads, he inspires… he walks a walk that our halls need.  I like that guy.  So working on building a team, a culture, a school where we demonstrate pride and know what it means to give back.  That’s a huge win. #alwaysatrojan

And then… the call from the doctor’s office yesterday.

So your blood work is fine… sweet.  Your pap is fine too…  sweet.  But… So I wonder if everything is fine, why is there a “but” in this conversation?  There are some abnormal cells that have shown up.  Well then isn’t my pap not normal by virtue of “abnormal” cells?  So I’m rattled.  Make an appointment for ultrasounds, check.  Make appointment for biopsy, check.  This is scary stuff friends.  And here’s the thing.  I can wgodsgotthisorry, though there are many who say don’t worry… I can stress, though there are those who say I am stressing too much.  It’s easy to give that type of advice isn’t it?  Well from these shoes, I think I’ve been too quick to give that sort of advice.  So test one and two tomorrow… then a week long wait for test three, and a wait after that for results.  I see where the “hurry up and wait” adage comes from.  What I would say, if I were giving myself advice in this week of remarkable highs and crazy lows… Adopt truly adopt the idea that God has my back, he has me… no matter the outcome.  So don’t worry.  Well… try not to.

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Long Live #ThePromDressProject

Posted on March 27, 2015 by lizzyc1973

Long Live #ThePromDressProject

It’s a good day… and there is nothing better than good news on a good day. http://www.aurorasentinel.com/news/dresses-for-success/

shoes Cohorts fatima

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Self Care Matters…

Posted on March 26, 2015 by lizzyc1973

My life is busy.  Like ALWAYS busy.  I think it’s another one of those, that’s how I’m wired things.  The “to do” list this week.  Work — manage an ongoing project that’s very time sensitive, very scattered and very little room for error.  Check.  Continuing preparations for The Prom Dress Project, we’ve added a second date.  Check.  Help my husband with some mother in law type issues.  Check. Wait another to do… Go to the cleaners to see if dresses will clean.  Mentoring activities… Check. Physical… Check. Adoption appointment…Check.  Self care matters…. and mine went to the bottom of the list. Oh I forgot to mention my alumni activity efforts…?

Let’s go back to that physical.  So I would not have even considered doing that, if not for a requirement by my health insurance provider.  I would have seriously replaced that activity with something else.  Right?  I don’t think I am the only one suffering the condition better known as self care neglect. Oh yeah, the physical.  So my amazing doctor and truly, she is amazing, mentioned that I’m not in the great shape  I was two years ago when she last saw me.  And she’s right.  I had really championed getting back in shape and did a fantastic job of it.  Then… about March two years ago I suffered a running injury, and because I couldn’t do the one thing I wanted to do most, it seems that all of my self care went right out the window.  bathwater-headerSeriously, I tossed the bath water, the toys, and the baby.  Just. Like. That.  So after some tears…and a small dose of pity, we talked about how the human body practices self care, even when we don’t.  Did you know, for example, the human heart pumps blood back to itself before any other part of the body?  Well, it does.

So the heart analogy becomes very relevant.  I am not pumping life back to me first.  That’s pretty dumb.  I have so many things I want to be a part of, lead, participate in and witness and the truth is, I could probably continue to do so for a good long bit.

Until.

My lack of self care will negatively impact me to the point of no longer being able to be a part of all of the above referenced things.  This probably won’t happen today, tomorrow, or even next week, but the truth is, it will happen.

So.

I’ve started practicing better self care.  Now granted, I am only in like say…day two of the process.  But I am aware and that’s the starting point.  I’d like to encourage all of my other self care neglecting cohorts to stop right now and consider what it looks like if you can’t do all of the things your heart longs for because you didn’t care enough about the one person who makes a difference in all of them.  You.

*Photo credit disciplemakingdisciples.com
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With a Humble Heart…

Posted on March 20, 2015 by lizzyc1973

Today was Day ONE of The Prom Dress Project 2015. Cohorts The amazing women of Friends of Aurora Central High School Alumni Association showed up.  In grand fashion.  With a humble heart, I’m happy to say that we helped prom become a reality for seventeen young women.  I didn’t know what to expect, and honestly, I am the type of person that is really outcome oriented.  I see black and white, so very little gray… just ask my husband.  This is what I know. Seventeen young women had the opportunity to experience what it is to have someone come alongside you and show kindness, to know that we’re all a part of the same tribe.

The women in my cohort, oh my dear gracious, there just isn’t enough that I can say about a group of women that just “get it.”  From those who donated their time, to those who donated their talent with a few stitches here and there (you know who you are girlfriend), to those who offered their treasures… It just didn’t get better than today.

I didn’t sleep well last night, nerves I suppose.  Wondering if this little event would be successful.  shoesWe were expecting the local media coverage from our community newspaper, would we have a story to tell?  Today is a day we have a story to tell, about young women that deserve our best, an interested adult who is invested in their story, their future.  Today we had a story about women who make a difference, and I am grateful they are mine.  With a humble heart…thank you, to the young ladies that we served and to the ladies that I had the pleasure of serving with.

By the way… We’re hoping for Day TWO on April 1, 2015.  No Foolin. #alwaysatrojan

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When LIFE Has Gone Viral…

Posted on March 14, 2015 by lizzyc1973

This is an update to my last blog.  I’ve been working with an amazing cohort of women on The Prom Dress Project, collecting gently used homecoming and prom gowns to benefit young ladies who may not have their “princess” moment because money is tight.  Well since my last post, my life has gone viral. 

Let me explain. 

I thought this little prom dress sale hosted by my alumni association would be a good idea, a little way that we can give back. In just over a week… yes, about that, we have collected in excess of 130 dresses and the number is still growing.fatima  They’re coming from everywhere, and they’re coming from everyone. I’ve received gowns from fellow alum, I’ve received gowns from people I know from mentoring cohorts, I’ve received gowns that my local Starbucks barista is collecting, AND I’ve received gowns from a perfect stranger who was just listening to my conversation at Novo (one of my regular coffee haunts).  Viral. This event already, without having a single dress sold has surpassed anything I could have ever dreamed.

I’ve reached out to the partner schools in our district, to schools that are in our mentoring collaborative.  Honestly, there isn’t a reason that a young woman in need can’t have her moment with prom.  In this process I’ve learned of a young woman in the foster care system… a princess moment may not happen without this event making us aware of her need.   I wonder what would happen… if the world went viral with this kind of kindness.  Can you just wrap your head around what that would look like?   I dunno.  I’ve been kind of a hot mess just trying to get MY head around the kindness I’ve experienced.  The hair dos that have been donated, the shoes, the handbags, the accessories… the dresses!

So our sale is next Thursday evening, at Aurora Central High School. I don’t know what to expect.  I know the opportunity is HUGE.  And by the way…I’m not a doctor, but I’d say this “virus” The Prom Dress Project, is CONTAGIOUS!

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