One Little Word…2026

And every expectation that you’ve had about the way things “were” and the way they “were going to be…”  Wow.  That’s my life this week.  Without getting in to “it” too much, I’ll just mention that some things I thought about some things in my life were Way. Off. Base.

Real life isn’t Ward and June Cleaver having a sensible conversation with the “Beav” and Wally and that the magic light goes on they see the err of their ways, turn a new leaf and all goes back to 1950s bliss.  No the world just doesn’t roll like that today, November 18, 2014.

The world today looks more and more like every man for themselves — respect, for your parents, spouse, friends, coworkers…people you don’t know but just encounter on the street — well it seems to me that it’s disappearing one unthoughtful moment at a time.  And the truth of all of this is that WE’VE. ALL. DONE. IT.

The problem is… when it happens to us and we’re feeling disrespected, under valued, ignored it doesn’t feel good.  So then why do we do it?  And beyond acknowledging that we’ve all participated in these behaviors whether intentional or not we’ve treated people in a way that we find unacceptable for ourselves. So I guess the bigger issue is how do you fix it? Can “it” be fixed.  It reminds me of the crumbled up paper or broken plate project that people relate to bullying.  You can’t tell the paper or the plate that “you’re sorry” and these things morph back to the original undamaged condition.  It just won’t work.

I’d suggest start with taking a good long walk around the “perspective box,” it’s a tool we use at Colorado Youth at Risk — and simply put, it’s walking around the situation and finding yourself more aware of the other sides of the box — moving away from the side you look at, because there is also a top and bottom to the box, and three other sides to be considered — and they all have a perspective and they all matter.

I suggest that while I don’t have to agree with your perspective — it is not my place to rip it to shreds either.  I can disagree without being disagreeable.  We should try that.

And — here’s the other truth, it will never be perfect.  I’ll fall short, the people in my life will fall short. We’ll ALWAYS do this, it’s part of the human condition — but we should always, always, get back up, dust ourselves off and try it again.  It takes 10,000 hours to become an “expert” at something, at least so I’ve been told… How many hours have we committed to being kind respectful people???

I will be writing in a journal — you know, old school write?  Dominique and I decided  this would be a great activity to do together and I think there will be big benefit from doing so.  So today I will write (on yesterday’s topic).  Dominique picked our first topic — “Something I’m upset about.”  Wow.  So I’ll write about something I’m upset about, and as I sit here and consider that, I am thankful for the blessing that an old school journal will bring.  It will be me, my thoughts and that’s it — no public display, no soap box, no platform for discussion, just me and what I was upset by.  The intention is that I will share my thoughts with Dominique and she’ll share her thoughts back.

Often, I wonder what we miss by not having human interaction in conversation, what part of us is simply going away without even being aware that it’s happening.  It’s true when I consider that my son’s preferred method of communication is a series of text messages that I can never seem to keep up with.  And then, to use a Colorado Youth at Risk “ism” I walk around the “Perspective Box”  look at things from a different view and get to consider the freedom in writing and that sometimes, that is really a more powerful choice.  It keeps me from saying those things that I can’t take back, I can go edit, and for me, that can really be a gift.  I imagine that it can for many.

So consider a journal… no need to write the next great American novel, but I wonder what you might find.

It’s been a tough week in my home.  Without going into great detail, I’ll say that my family reached out to someone to provide help.  We spent time, money, and effort. Lots of effort.  The kind of effort that you put into your own kids, parents you know that effort right?  And then… it didn’t work.  Worse than that, the someone we helped completely totally took advantage of my family’s kindness.  It was the kind of thing that left me feeling disgusted, angry, so so angry and jaded. 

I began to question why. Why would I continue to reach out to someone to anyone really when you run the risk of your kindness being taken advantage of?  Knowing that there is the possibility   someone will take you for what they can get, and then simply march on. I yelled, raised my voice and then I cried.  Because what was taken, the material items, well that stings.  But at the core, the gift of giving your heart and when that is taken — well, that’s a different kind of hurt. It’s the kind of hurt that you don’t put a band-aid on, it’s not the type of hurt that a momma’s kiss makes feel better.  It’s the kind of hurt that if you’re not careful can alter the person that God would have you be.

So I voiced my frustration on Facebook — and my friends came through in fantastic forum.  One in particular gave me the gift of this scripture: “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18″

And in that one moment… the clouds began to lift, my anger began to ease and I knew that among my many purposes while here in the game of life is to share my gift the gift given to me by the hand of God of compassion and service to my community.

So… my heart, well it hurts a little, but it will mend.  For the person that committed this act against my family, you are forgiven though the consequences of your actions are yours.  And my gift will continue to be shared.  This morning, the young men at Aurora Central helped me see appreciation happens…so I’d like to thank them for that gift.

If you follow me, you know that last year I did this thing, this forty days of forty since I celebrated my fortieth birthday.  I’m about a month away from forty-one, and I couldn’t begin to tell you the things that happened this year.  There’s been so many.  But when I reflect, I think the thing that strikes and stays with me most, would be the decision I made to shave my head. My sister Jennifer suggested it for cancer awareness.  Initially, I thought — nah, maybe not.  Until.  We learned that my sister in law Lisa’s older sister was diagnosed with breast cancer.  Suddenly… my head of hair seemed pretty insignificant.  August 1, 2013 — Jennifer and I shaved our heads.  A move in solidarity as sisters and a move in solidarity as women.

So as the year winds down and the clock ticks ever closer to my birthday, my hair has grown back.  Angie is still working on her cancer care, she’s kicking it’s ass.  A close friend Ted’s wife Maria is doing her part to kick cancer’s ass also.  I’m amazed by the strength of these women.  How could you NOT be?  Seriously?  Here it is…your life on the line.  WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?

And… then there is Beth.  My friend Mindi’s sister Beth had breast cancer.  And for all of the fight that Beth had, cancer just seemed to have more.  And that’s just messed up.  Tomorrow we’ll be saying goodbye to Beth.  I’ve been working very closely with the family to help in any small way that I can so that the people who are there will know that Beth fought like a girl, she gave everything she had to her family, her children, her students…her fight.  Sometimes, life isn’t fair.  Sometimes, it just sucks.  Here’s the thing.  I didn’t know Beth well, but here’s what I think.  I think that Beth would insist that we continue on fighting like girls — giving all we have, championing our causes, being sisters, because we have these chromosomes that identify us as the “female” of our species, championing our causes because we all share the human condition.

So for an amazing year, I am grateful.  I’ve learned from and shared some of life’s most beautiful moments. I believe I will be a better woman, wife, mother, sister…you get the idea for having done so.  My heartfelt thank you to all who have shared this experience, whether you realize it or not — you’ve permanently shaped me.

~Liz

So I’m 40… and I thought that 40 was the new 20, or at least I heard someone say something like that.  40 is NOT the new 20, it’s not even close.  I went to the doctor this week.  I had this little discolored spot on my face — and so better safe than not I went and had it looked at.

It’s a “sun spot.”  Now…if you’re anything like me this is what I heard, “Liz, this is an OLD LADY spot.”  These are the things that somehow we know will come in our lives, just as sure as a training bra and our first experience with other “girl” type things — rights of passage things that happen.  Instead of using SPF 30 when we’re 16 we opted for Banana Boat or worse yet — Johnson & Johnson baby oil.   So my doctor tells me dutifully that it’s never to late to start good practice with sunscreen — which I had started earlier in the week all on my own and that this “sun spot” condition may go away, may not… if it grows or gets blood vessels or scabs that we want to go to a dermo for additional care.  But for now… it’s just my “old lady spot.”

Tonight… I went to Sephora.  It’s time to start being kinder to my face.  So I went in for a better moisturizer — something with a some SPF love, something to be kind to my face, I actually like my face.  And so the very sweet ever so fabulous Sephora guy recommends…

Peter Thomas Roth — Clinical Skin Care Max Sheer All Day Moisture Defense Lotion Sunscreen Lotion, SPF 30, and did I mention that it provides… Anti-aging defense???

And to the younger ladies who may happen across this blog, wear sunscreen!

Beth died today.  And I’m really sad.  I can’t even really say that I knew Beth, but as I said in an earlier post this week, I know Beth’s older sister Mindi.  My heart breaks.  I have two younger sisters, Keri is 39 and Jennifer is 37 — Beth, well Beth was 38, so it’s close ya know?  Beth fought with breast cancer, she took round one and beat cancer’s ass. Beth fought like a girl.

Then… there was round two.  Cancer came back harder and stronger and for all of the fight that Beth had, cancer just seemed to have more and today, I am sad to say that cancer won. 

Beth leaves behind a husband, who fought with her every single step, she leaves two step daughters that while I don’t know them, it looks like they love her with all they have.  And what makes me most sad I think in all of this, Beth leaves behind two small children.  They’ll have memories of their mother — but they’ll miss so much.  I know that their family will let them know what an extraordinary women that Beth Haddad Cotsonis was and that she changed lives, and that she was an amazing wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend, girl… but I’m sad and scared that there will always be this small area in their hearts that’s empty that place that the love of a mother fills.

So what’s the point?  I think my friend Shannon brought it home, spend time on what matters, spend our time wisely, give to the things that feed our souls and bring us joy.  Leave an imprint in the world make your mark, FIGHT LIKE A GIRL.  I am going be intentional in this pursuit, to bring honor to Beth, to women in my circle and challenge you all, regardless of your chromosomal assignment to fight like a girl for the memory of Beth.

https://www.giveforward.com/fundraiser/rl94/cotsonis-family-relief-fund?utm_source=giveforward&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=donation_notify_oganizer

I’ve been missing in action.  I’ve been busy, and then I had lunch with my friend Mindi.  Mindi and I went to high school together.  I wouldn’t say we were the best of friends, nor would I say we were enemies.  We were people that went to high school together, graduated, built lives, built careers and somehow after twenty five years got reconnected.  Here’s the thing.  Mindi stepped up and helped support Aurora Central, a cause that I am crazy passionate about.  So it’s time that I step up and support a cause that Mindi is passionate about.  Her sister Beth.  At a young young age of 38, Beth is staring her mortality square in the face.  Something that most of us don’t consider… not at 38, not at 48, not at 58.  Beth is considering this daily, at 38.  She’s battling a stage IV recurrence of breast cancer. It’s mean, nasty and it’s spread.  The prognosis sucks.  It’s the prognosis that you get where you go home and get your things in order, spend the time you have making things right and praying for one more day.  It’s the kind of prognosis that makes you hold your children for dear life, because your last opportunity is lurking somewhere… you know it’s there and you can’t see it.  So in living one little word, my intention right now is to be as much of a support as I can to my friend Mindi, and by extension to her family.  They’re walking a tough tough road that no person should walk alone.  My burning desire would be that anyone who reads this blog would consider joining my intention to support Beth her fight, and the time she has left, in resource thought, and prayer… I know the family appreciates every step taken with them on the journey on their behalf helping to lighten their load.

https://www.giveforward.com/fundraiser/rl94/cotsonis-family-relief-fund?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=fb_share_stream.share&utm_campaign=dashboard_overview_T1&og_action=hug&t=3&fb_ref=2428362

 I feel more successful about living a year with intention than any New Year’s Resolution I could have ever come up with.  This is what I love about the idea of One Little Word.  What I learned this week in living with intention is that you’ve got to have a plan.  I’m sure will all concede that it sounds cliche’ but how on earth are we ever to know where we’re going if we don’t have a map?A map for a long planned road trip? A map for fitness? A map for career? A map for financial independence?  That was the task this week, doing a good long hard look at the fiscal side of living with intention.  Here’s what I learned.  There are a lot of areas where you know what?  I’m doing a pretty darn good job.  Of course, there is the flip side to that also…, there are some areas where the fiscal housekeeping needs a little work.  I think we get comfortable in the day to day experience of living that maybe we simply don’t think about the impact of our fiscal wellness and how it has so much power to influence our lives, our happiness, our desire to chase our dreams. So my encouragement for today, would be to have you take a small step in looking at your fiscal house, what small intentional change can you make today to have a meaningful impact on your tomorrow.  I know when I did this, it really gave me a game changer of a week this week…

Sometimes I don’t know just what it is or who it is I am waiting on.  The more I think on my one little word and consider living my life with intention the more I realize I really have what I need to drive my life forward to do what I want to do, to achieve the goals that I want and to make the things I want to happen in my life.  That I am powerful, in spite of the self talk that I can weigh myself down with.  I’m working on a ton of things right now.  Here are some of the things I am working on being intentional with.  I am becoming more intentional with running, getting back out there regularly, doing what it takes to become stronger in my passion.  I very much have a heart to go to school, to pursue my degree to chase my passion to continue working with young people, there is little that lights me up in the way that impacting the life of a young person does and helping them discover a passion or helping them discover a future and that they have a place in it.  So its about be intentional and not waiting on time, or a person, or the right circumstance, because there may never be a perfect time, a perfect person or just the right circumstance.  So get out there and just start doing it yourself…

Sometimes… I think that really what makes life go, especially when I am working on living with intention is finding ways to make things work better.  Lately, it’s something that I am getting a great deal of experience with in my personal life, my professional life, my mentoring life, and so it should come as no surprise to my blogging life also.

A couple of Mother’s Day’s ago I got an iPad.  Great gift right?  Of course it is.  Of course it’s the gift that I just don’t seem to use quite enough.  Part of it is because I find that I am somewhat I rebel and still love the way that a page feels being turned in my hand.  I’m old school like that.  But part of it, for me, is that it isn’t quite as user friendly as I’d like.  the tap tap tap of the touch screen is something that I still have yet to conquer and master on the iPad or the iPhone, really any iDevice.  So I’ve been contemplating getting a keyboard to companion my iPad.  The thinking behind this is that with this addition, I can use it for work on our newly upgraded cloud based system, it will be easier to take notes when necessary, and of course should I find myself inspired to get a blog posted, well it will make that just that much easier too.

So this afternoon I ventured out to BestBuy, which is one of those stores that I just don’t shop.  And I went with intention to get my new keyboard.  I’m thinking this is about the best hundred bucks I’ve spent lately.  I’m sitting here, perched on the bed, iPad rested up on this great little Logitech keyboard and composing this little blog.  And you know what? It’s working better.  So the lesson, the take away for me today — go out and find the ways to make IT work better.

Happy day bloggers.

L